You smell like stripper and shame
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So vagazzling was a success
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I did not marry a roomba.
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