You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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