My nipple is on Facebook.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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