Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
