From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
