I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize