Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
