I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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