make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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