I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
