i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
