some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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