defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
