Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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