Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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