I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
