I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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