Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
