if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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