Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
