My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
