I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
