We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
