i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
