he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
