i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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