You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
