next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
