Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
