it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
