weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize