This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
