yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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