help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
