I need help removing her.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
