I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
