Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
