Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
