I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
