Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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