I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
