People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
