what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
