It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
