This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
