mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
