They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
