Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
