Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
