maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize