ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
