ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
