i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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