oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
