oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
