plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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