i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
