it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
