I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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