trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
