First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize