She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
did i walk over a car last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
