ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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