You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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