No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
