I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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