after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
