can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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