I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
