So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
