what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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