I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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