WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
