Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
