so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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