I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
