you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
